A Good Marriage Doesn’t Just Happen

I started writing this post, and then I received the news that a family member is getting a divorce. The situation is so messy. One member is walking away, after years of deception, hurt, and cheating. I have hesitated in posting this for many reasons. I don’t want to come across like I know it all. I have been married for 12 years. I am still learning. Sometimes there are no easy answers. Sometimes one partner decides to quit, and there is nothing that the other partner can do. You can’t gold on to a marriage that is not there. After much consideration, I am posting this because it is something I believe in. Please understand, I do realize there are different situations out there, but I do believe that marriage is a life long commitment and that every problem, every hurt can be repaired if BOTH people are committed to the work involved. Untitled design (1) What makes a good marriage? We can all think of at least one married couple that makes it look easy. One couple that looks more in love today than they day they were married.  Sadly, these days that is fewer and fewer. More and more couple are spitting up, or leading separate lives in their marriage. When we meet the love of our life, we see it all through the rose coloured glasses. If we see any faults, they are small, manageable, or things we figure will fade. Then one day, the glasses fall off. We see each other as what we are, human. Humans have faults. Humans have quirks. We start to get bothered by the quirks. When we have children, we have less time for our selves and our marriage. A good marriage take s work. After 12 years, I have learned some things that have helped in my life.

Take time for your selves

If you want to have a healthy relationship it is essential that both partners take time apart. It doesn’t have to be much. A couple of hours here and there. A shopping trip with the girls, coffee with a friend. Let your spouse have the same. It is a refresher that will make you appreciate your time together more.

Have at least one friend that you can poor your heart out to 

On those days when everything your husband does grates on you, you need someone to talk to who will not bash him, and will just listen. Someone who you can just empty the frustration out to with out consequence. If you don’t poor it out to a friend, you will poor it out to him, and it won’t be pretty. Sometimes women just need to talk, with out having someone scrutinize and try to fix it all. Studies have shown that just talking t out helps us sort through our emotions and helps us see clearly.

Learn about each other’s interests

Showing you care is so easy. It can make someones day when you take the time to learn about what they enjoy. At my bridal shower, I received received received best advice. I was told to learn about what my husband liked, even fake an interest if I had to. I laughed thinking that it was silly. I was wrong. I started to really listen when my husband talked about cars. It was boring at first, but it was him. I love him, so that means loving all of him. Now, I have a small bit of interest. I can watch his car shows with him and comment on things. He glows knowing that I am doing it for him.

Take care of your self

This seams like a no brainer, but it is really not. Especially when you have children. Admit it moms, when was the last time you put on make up? Did your hair? When we take care of our selves we feel better and have more confidence and t shows. They notice.

Make date nights a priority

It doesn’t matter if you have been together 1 year or 50. Make time for each other. It doesn’t need to cost much. Even going out for coffee. It’s about taking the time.


Don’t take everything seriously. Have fun together. Laugh together.

Be willing to work at it

A good marriage is work. There will be ups and downs. Both people need to put in to the marriage for it to be a good marriage. It’s not 50/50. If you are only putting 50% onto your marriage, you are only getting 50% out of it. Deposit into your account before you make withdrawals.

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